Perhaps my biggest surprise about being a parent is just how much I’ve learnt from my children.
One of them is doing their GCSEs this year. She also plays a sport at a high level. Because I’m fascinated with wellbeing and productivity, I’ve been very curious to see how she’d navigate studies and exams while being 100% committed to every sporting event on her calendar. (There’s a LOT!)
She has not missed a single training session or match all year and she has even attended two sports camps over May half term. There was never even a question over whether she would do these things.
As a parent, I worried about how she’d juggle it all.
What I discovered?
Just how important routine and mindset is.
I’m now seeing that sport has given her discipline and focus that meant that she made the most of the windows of time she had available for study. And, now that the exams are underway, her PT sessions and camps are turning into natural (and total) study breaks.
I’ve noticed that when she studies she studies, and when she takes breaks she completely shuts off from studying. She’s quite structured in this sense.
The fascinating thing about exam days? She doesn’t want us to be doing anything outside of our normal routine. No special breakfast, no making a fuss, no making it anything other than a normal day. There are no notes out over breakfast and the only change to her schedule is that she gets an earlier train to school.
From a sports perspective, that makes perfect sense. A match is a match.. don’t create stress by making it anything more than that. It doesn’t matter what level you’re playing or who you’re playing against, just stick to your normal routines and focus your energy and attention on your own preparation. You can’t control the other team, you can only control yourself.
Considering her approach has made me rethink some things.
For example, to what extent do I:
- treat the same experience differently depending on the circumstances? Or make some days in my week more “important” than others?
- drift from “I get to do this” into “I have to do this” when my schedule is busy, creating unnecessary burdens or pressures on myself.
- truly optimise on the time available to me? Is there room for improvement?
What’s that got to do with leadership?
However, even though I’m not being called on, as a parent I still feel the need to be on hand just in case.
I notice a parallel with leadership.
Successful leadership often means that you’re not needed which can prompt concerns about performance or feelings of self-doubt or insecurity. But this is the polarity of leadership. You’re somehow integral to the process – you’re the linchpin – without having any actual doing role. As a leader, you’re available when needed and mostly giving space to get on with whatever needs to be done. No hovering. No interfering. Just paying attention, having one eye on what is happening and the other on what is emerging, anticipating developments and being ready and resourced to deal with the unexpected. Letting other people get on with what they are tasked to do.
It makes me realise that it can be easier and less lonely to lead in a crisis, when you feel really needed, and much harder to be a leader in good times, when your role can be less visible and you might be called on less.
But that doesn’t mean your leadership presence isn’t needed or that your input is less valued. Your role as leader is just different in different circumstances, and when you are less in demand, it’s important to recognise this as a natural part of the cycle.
Knowing the part of the cycle you are in can stop you getting sucked into the doing or creating chaos in order to be relevant, and strengthen your commitment to direct your time and energy to horizon-scanning, resourcing staff and building and strengthening community and connection, both internally and externally.